• On Being A Grandma

    It is still early days in this 'grandma' thing.  My dear little granddaughter is just 3 1/2 months old.  She is growing and changing really fast.  Too fast it seems.  While I want to slow down this precious time, I am so very grateful she is developing normally.

    I cannot help but deeply love this child.  

    She can now focus on faces and her deep blue eyes remind me of another set of blue eyes that stared back at me more than 40 years ago.  She has her dad's eyes, nose and forehead.  Seeing her brings back many memories of him as an infant - memories that I thought could only be triggered by our  still pictures.  Now I have this live little person who looks at me through the eyes of her father with an unknowing stare.  Time, experiences and love will put recognition in her eyes.  But that side-eye look she has in that chair with its own eyes is priceless.

    For now it is enough to know and see how beautifully connected she is to her parents ... how she fits so comfortably onto their chests, how her eyes follow them when she is separated, how her head turns towards their voices.

    Recently she discovered her hands.  She has these tiny little digits and miniature nails.  It is amazing to watch the awareness of herself grow within her.  And with that discovery ... her thumb ... that finds it way into her mouth when she is trying to comfort herself.  These small discoveries are so endearing to observe.

    There is one small sadness that crosses my mind at times.  This dear baby girl has only one grandma - one grandma on earth, that is.  Her other grandma in heaven.  How much I would have loved to enjoy this child with her other grandma.  When I saw the sleeper below, I knew I had to get it.

    "Handpicked for earth by my grandma in heaven."

    And, of course, my hands have been busy.  Even before she was born, my son found this babyViking hat picture and forwarded it to me.  I researched and purchased the pattern, which included a dad sized version.  Her eyes say she is not sure about this hat or the person taking the picture, but she is in dad's arms so it must be ok.

    Her connection between her and her mom is so strong that I can't help wondering if she knows that her mom is a separate being.  Guess that is something that will be learned at some point.  No sense rushing such a precious time of life.

    This child can't begin to know what wonderful parents she has.

    For now my role as grandma seems to be as an observer of this new little nugget of a person.  How did I miss all these small little observations of my own children.  Oh ... that's right!  I was busy making sure they were fed, and dressed, and clean, and safe.  I was sleep deprived and focused on their growth.  And I was growing as a parent with all the unknowns and second guessing.  Now as a grandmother I have the luxury of time and memory.  I have the joy of watching and holding and loving - until she is old enough to understand.

    And what a JOY it is!
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